Life's Lamenting Song

         The end of the best beginnings always feels like death to me.

Now here I am, all alone, in search of a reason to breathe. The bitter taste of the lack of love or                                                                                                                             hope or decency.

                Yet decency is a gift from God, & I am a wicked being.

                                                 The air is now a vacuous cloud, choking me w/ it’s void.

                           And here I am:

                                                all alone.           

                                                        W/out anyone left to give a fuck.

               It’s not that I blame them in the least. I wouldn’t have hope for me either.

            I don’t.    

                        & I’m clinging onto desperation- because it’s all I’ve ever known.

She left me on an Autumn Eve, claiming she had to go.

                                That there was no other choice for her.

                                                        That defeat was all she’d known.

I told her she was never there: SO WHAT THE HELL DOES IT FUCKING MATTER?!!! GO!!!!!!

            She played the role of a victim in her heart & in the end it crushed us both.

                         It was all based upon her fear. The fear I couldn’t save her from.

             And I never felt more abandoned;

                                                  my words rang on a dead tone.

When I screamed at her, I exposed my pain, repulsive in it’s truth.
                   I said to her: “If there’s anything worse than being alone, it’s being alone while being w/ someone else!”

            I laid down my life for the 2 of them. Bashed in my skull w/ a daggered stone.
                    Stretched out desolately among shifting sands, my eyes gushing out a river of blood.
                                  On the beach where I wish I’d been dead-n’-gone. Yet I’m left here to suffer more & more. Each moment grows less bearable as each second surely flows onward into nowhere. 

                                               And still I sit here, asking myself: How could Hell be any worse?

      Oh the godawful torment of life! Does it EVER fucking stop?!!!

              I’ve lived thru my death, a ghost in the flesh. Still he got away a blessed man w/ those he loves.                                                                                                                                                         

                                                         And I’m the one left alone?!!   

            The law of club & fang was cast down upon me.

                                                               I was judged the guilty one.

 So alone here I sit, all alone, pretending I’ll be OK.

                                             Even tho I know that’s a goddamn lie.

               There are no happy endings.

                                                        Simply life’s lamenting song.

THE END