to be there and not be

i love you, but i wish i didn't have to.
i'll be there when you call, but i'll wish i hadn't gone.
this hollow is a better place, & HELL.
it's holier to cherish this aching cavity alone- w/ you.

you're the feast that didn't fill me.
the nourishment that doesn't sustain.
the fulfillment that leaves me wanting.
the cage that doesn't keep.
..................the joy that brings me pain.

i built us a home, but these 4 walls don't shelter us from the storming winds inside.
we clothed one another in companionship, but we stand & stare at our nakedness.

you are the void & its essence. 
EXISTENCE & EXTINCTION
you are life as you are death.
you are one in the same. 
yet you are separation & the divide.
I love YOU, for you are all there is in life.
& yet, you are nothing, as i am- your everything:
your love & loss